With Regrets
Time. Regret. Creativity. It's a long one...
Time
I seriously feel like I’m just now coming up for air from the beginning of 2022. I’m excited to report that I’ve been working hard, making mistakes, trying to learn from & correct the mistakes, and then dusting myself off & trying again. Wash, rinse, repeat.
The past 8 months feel like 2 months instead, and I’m having a hard time figuring out where all the time went! Why is it so hard to balance paid work, exploratory/creative (aka unpaid) work, and my personal life? When one excels (or sometimes two 😏), something else inevitably suffers!! I can’t find the sweet spot! 😩
I’m trying to catch up on emails, cancel subscriptions that should’ve ended months ago, and sort through the heaps of papers piled up around my desk.
Regret
A couple weeks ago, I ran into an interesting approach to regret on the internet.1 The idea was that we could use our regrets as a window to learn more about our needs.
Categorizing Regrets
I came across all of this in the Bad at Keeping Secrets newsletter by Carissa Potter. She interviewed Dan Pink, author of The Power of Regret. You can view their conversation, but what I found most interesting was Pink’s system for categorizing regrets.
He proposes that all regrets fall into 4 main buckets or deep structures: foundation, boldness, moral, and connection.
Pink did a survey of Americans and found that 82% report experiencing regret at least occasionally. So if you’ve been reading this and telling yourself that you don’t have regrets, either you’re a rare bird2 or somebody lying.
It seems like Irv Gotti is (or at least should be) regretting a lot of things4
Apple AirTags & pride could have got this man killed, y’all5
Insights from Regret
More important (to me) than the categories, Pink’s theory is that each type of regret tells us about something that we might actually need. So he’s saying your regrets correspond to your feelings and can be insightful. A helpful window…
Alright. What are my regrets telling me about my needs? When I sliced my regrets into the big and small groups6, a couple of things emerged, but the biggest theme was wasting time. I don't want to waste time. We're all in a constant state of decay (unless you're under 23 or so) and time is short - so let's get on with it. Whatever it is. It doesn't even matter, I just don't wanna fumble around, wasting time being tossed in the waves of life. Make a map, grab an oar, paddle! Float if you want, that’s fine - just give it a go!
Does that regret fit into the foundation category? Does that mean I need stability? Looking back at the image, maybe this fits into “use some of our limited time to explore and grow.” Now I don’t know what that says for sure, but I welcome your interpretation & thoughts!
One more note about regret
Yes, most people have regrets, but there’s a specific type of regret that’s more likely than others - inaction.7
Creativity
I’ve been trying to hack my own creativity. I know what got me to ultimate creative space in the past, where ideas were just pouring out, but that costs way too much money for it to be a viable plan right now. Previously, I was able to move myself to a different head space by moving my body to an entirely different physical location. But have you seen the price of air travel lately? Too rich for my blood.8
Since non-stop travel is not an option, I've been focusing on changing my attitude & approach. I’m starting to shift my idea of discipline so that it expands beyond forcing myself to do the things that I don’t like to do. I need to also be disciplined about indulging in the things I enjoy, you know? The things that inspire me? I’m practicing doing them often, frequently, and on a schedule.9
I have been working on multiple projects over the past couple of months, and sometimes that can feel really good, like when you read short passages from 2 or 3 books at the same time and they all come together in some weird way to help you understand better. But sometimes it’s not so great and feels like trying to take a sip of water from a fire hose. So there’s that. Some of the work is public facing, and I’m proud of it, so I’m sharing it here :)
Breakthrough with Boston Children’s
Dope Labs - Black Music Month with Mark Anthony Neal & 9th Wonder
Multimedia Club
Watching
Apple TV+ is having a good run right now and I’m not talking about Ted Lasso. Check out these shows: Surface, Loot10, Bad Sisters, Black Bird
House of the Dragon and Season 2 of Industry - both on HBOmax
Unwrapped: The Story of Lil Baby on Amazon Prime
Reading
Anonymous Sex edited by Hillary Jordan & Cheryl Lu-Lien Tan
Listening
I’m listening to Renaissance like the rest of the world
Courtesy of Kareem & B, this mix-up of old and not as old hip-hop and R&B12
I really like the top of this Soulection mix, but the DJ was singing on top of the track a lil toooo much
The latest TIND mix for August which is basically over (see you under the mistletoe)
BONUS - What’s Up Next
Because I can’t stop reading & watching and it’s never too much, here’s what’s on my to-buy list:13
Stories from the Tenants Downstairs by Sidik Fofana
Clarity & Connection by Yung Pueblo
Seven Days in June by Tia Williams
The Greatest Invention: A History of the World in Nine Mysterious Scripts by Silvia Ferrarra
Art from Linda Cato Arts
I told y’all - T.I.N.D. - the internet never disappoints. There’s always something interesting out there! It was this post from Bad at Keeping Secrets Newsletter.
I used to be obsessed with Rare Bird Preserves. Also did you know a tasty cocktail is one spoonful of preserves mixed with a pour of gin and squeeze of lemon juice?
I was on the patio of a local restaurant with good vibes but not good vittles where you can sometimes spot ATL celebrities, and I was drinking gin and cackling loudly with my friend when this man walked by looking just like Mase in the face. I told her I thought it was Mase, and she said of course it wasn’t because of how he was dressed. I looked at Mase’s IG, and well, it still could’ve been him.
Is Drink Champs the official podcast for all the tea?! Good grief!
A man tracked a thief who stole his bike with an AirTag and ran up on the thief. He thought it was one way but it was another.
It was interesting for me to spend some time with myself considering various situations or scenarios that I regretted, then digging deeper into what I specifically regretted about them. If you want to spiral, then 10/10 recommend.
The American Regret Project reports 57.1% of regrets are based on inaction compared to only 35.9% of action-based regrets.
My grandparents and their siblings used to say this. It’s signaling to me that I’m giving Southern Old Person, but I love it. Find the idiom meaning here.
Makes me think about James Clear’s description of quiet = reliability
Not as good as the others, I’m not gone lie
I love supporting the folks who feel like old school internet. I used to read Damon Young when he was blogging at VerySmartBrothas.com from my Google Reader. RIP Google Reader for real.
I struggle to get past the first 30 minutes, but you can just listen to the first half on repeat lol
These are affiliate links, so if you buy what’s on my list using the link, you kinda help me buy what’s on my list too!